“But I’ve always known… what I don’t want!”

I don’t know why but I can’t for the life of me figure out what she meant with this line. As we have heard her say she is not the self-sacrificing type so I thought that maybe she was referring to how she never wanted to sacrifice herself. I also thought maybe she was just saying that she didn’t want to be anything like Dottore. What do you guys think she meant by this line? I’m probably just being stupid but i genuinely can’t figure out what she was referring to

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